“Respect is communicated most effectively when it aligns with what a person values.” Josh McDowell, 10 Ways to Say “I Love You”: Embracing a Love That Lasts
Welcome to Marriage Monday. Next week I plan on reviewing Josh McDowell’s latest book “10 Ways to say ‘I Love You.'” But as of today I’ve only read 45% of the book, so I’ll wait until I’ve finished it to share more about it : )
But when I came across this quote on respect, I paused. I knew this was something I wanted to unpack more thoroughly. Because if respect is communicated most effectively when it aligns with what a person values, then when I respect Tim according to my values he may or may not feel respected.
We’ve talked before about how important it is for a husband to feel respected. Plus God says through the Apostle Paul that “… the wife must respect her husband” (Ephesians 5:33b NIV).
So since I know the importance of respecting my husband, I want to ensure I am able to communicate respect to him in a way that enables him to feel respected.
I don’t know about you, but sometimes it feels as if I married my polar opposite. I like to rise early if I’ve had enough rest, and Tim would love if every day were a sleep-in day so he could stay up late. I love to make schedules and plan my days, and let’s just say Tim doesn’t.
I could go on with how we are different, but today we’re talking about aligning how we show respect to reflect his values. Because of our differences, I need to notice what Tim values (since it’s probably the opposite of what I value), so I can show respect to him in a way that aligns with his values.
I’ve also noticed Tim’s values change too. For instance, if he has to wake up extra early to be somewhere, he will feel respected by my efforts to get us to bed on time. If he comes home hungry, he will feel respected by walking in the door and being greeted by the smells of dinner in the oven. The opposite is true too. If he comes home hungry and I haven’t even started dinner, he will feel disrespected : (
I don’t always get this respect thing right, but reading books and blogs on marriage helps me be intentional in this area. And over time I’m learning to communicate respect in a way that aligns with Tim’s values. I’ve also learned to appreciate the differences between us, like when Tim snuggles close in the morning so I hit the snooze button and stay in bed a little longer. : )
Blessed to be linking up with Wifey Wednesday.
Rest in His presence.